need constructive critcism please

[CreeepyCathy]

Not sure if I posted this in the right place...
I put this scene together over the weekend, but I'm just not feeling it. Something is wrong but I can't put my finger on it.
Was thinking a black robe may look better, but the white one shows up better at night. And I want her to appear ghost-like.
Since the bottom line of the stone reads 'drop down and kneel' I thought I'd put someone kneeling...
I still have to touch up the stone and fix her chiken wire arm.
Please shoot me some constructive comments on this scene. :) and remember I'm sensitive :D THANK YOU in advance.. :)

http://hauntforum.com/picture.php?albumid=711&pictureid=7966

[IMU]

I love your lyric tombstones ... you always pick great ones!

So ... on to the comments: :eek:
Well, I would dirty up the person's robe a bit. Maybe switch arms so you can see them kneeling a little better? How about add a few PVC candles?

All I've got right now ...

I like the scene you've put together. :)

[RoxyBlue]

Try bending the head forward so her forehead is resting close to her hands. That would give a more sorrowful look to the scene. You could also see how it looks with her head in that position but turned slightly to her left so she is looking somewhat in the direction of anyone standing in front of the tombstone.

You could also play with hand position as well. Try it with her right hand on the top edge of the tomb and the left a little further down grasping the side. Again, keep the head bowed, if sorrowful or tragic is what you're going for.

[DarkLore]

I like Roxy's comment about tilting the head down. Overall, the scene looks great.

You could add some cheesecloth to her outfit (just drape it over the top) to give the clothing a bit more detail. PVC flicker candles or an old rusty lantern would add an eerie glow.

You could also consider treating her with detergent and setting up a black light (UV)..to light her like a flying crank ghost would be lit. The laundry soap contains a UV sensitive dye. Although, I think it's fine the way it is.

[JohnnyAppleseed]

I too agree with Roxy's comment on the head and hand positions.

I don't tlike the robe, think that a more traditional style (non-jagged edged) robe and layering in cheese cloth for layers (as DarkLore states) would bring it together as well as ageing the cloth a bit. Or maybe a lacey, victorian style dress under a thrown back robe to create layers and depth (check the local thrifts).

I also would also like to see a better snake, a pliable one that could drape and/or be coiled to gain a more realistic effect.

I like the idea of the scene and think your almost there, devil is in the details but that is what makes us what we are! ;)

[CreeepyCathy]

thank you all very much for the comments. love all your suggestions. :) will go back and re-arrange the head and arms somehow... the glue has dried :eek: but I think y'all are right. ...
And I agree johnnyappleseed.. I'm not crazy about the robe, either... doesn't look believable
thanks again everyone!!! :)

oh yeah, I placed the snake there so I wouldn't lose it. I'm very A.D.D. and unorganized. If I don't put something where I can see it I'll never find it again. LOL And, knowing how snakes freak me out, if I put it in a drawer and forgot it was there I'm pretty sure I'd have a heart attack later. LOL Not sure where the snake will eventually wind up in my cemetery. :)

[thefireguy]

I agree with changing the position of the head and playing around with the arms. I also agree with the adding of PVC candle and changing the robe to a cheesecloth one. For my own critisism I would weather the tombstone more with a dremel ( make some nice cracks - but no too many) and dry brush some more olive green to enhance the mossy look. Regarding your Lowe's bought cross ( i have 2 of them) I love it but to me it is a bit small so I suggest making a bigger one out of foam or purchase one that premade just a bigger one. I believe the biggest key to your mood creation is to definetly change the robe. But nice work so far.

[Dr Morbius]

I agree with all that was said. My issue is with the robe as well. It looks a little to much like a costume with the zig-zag fringe. I would replace it with a black robe, then cover it with RIT dye'd cheesecloth. It will look cool in the day, and at night with a blacklight will appear ghost-like.

[playfx]

Nice work!!

I think maybe some moss and cobwebs on the top of tombstones.

Some cheesecloth with alittle color to drape over the figure would help break up the white.

[Glockink]

Add a black light, cobwebs, shred the costume a bit, so its not so perfect and some fog....INSTANT creepy!
And for Petes sake loose the Creed lyrics...LOL....sorry, I just HATE Creed.

[CreeepyCathy]

THANK YOU very much, everyone!!! :) 'preciate it!

[niblique71]

I love your lyric tombstones ... you always pick great ones!

So ... on to the comments: :eek:
Well, I would dirty up the person's robe a bit. Maybe switch arms so you can see them kneeling a little better? How about add a few PVC candles?

All I've got right now ...

I like the scene you've put together. :)

I agree with IMU and Roxy. If you can't move the arms try switching her to the other side of the tombstone, then you'll be able to see more clearly that she's kneeling. It would also frame the scene a little nicer. I also think the black light approach would geatly help the creepy factor.

[thefireguy]

I thought of a couple of more ideas. If you want her to be more ghost like you should definetely go with a cheesecloth gown and use a UV-black light. You should also purchase a LED eye battery pack. There cheap and easy to use. I've used the same set of batteries in mine for 3 years and it is still going strong. I'm not sure if you are willing to, being that you've spend a lot of hours making it, but you might want to replace the head completely with a foam wig head found at any beauty supply store. That with the cheesecloth gown AND long piece of folded over cheesecloth for hair along with the blue LED lights would look absolutely wicked. I promise you. Here is a picture and video of my FCG. This is what yours could look like with the above recommendations.
http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq126/thefireguy/Halloween%2009/Halloween09019.jpg
http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq126/thefireguy/Halloween%2009/halloween2009001.jpg
Halloween 09 :: MosoleumRotated.mp4 video by thefireguy - Photobucket

Also don't forget about the PVC candles. Supper easy and cheap to make!

[nixie]

The scene already looks really good! A few things cam to mind when I first looked at it, but all of them were mentioned above. I love the idea of the black robe layered with cheesecloth!

[CreeepyCathy]

thank you everyone for the great ideas!! Been working on it all danged day. Had to make it some legs and a small base so it wouldn't tilt over. Couldn't get her head to move in a different direction, dang it. Also, changed her clothes. Do y'all think it looks better in black or white? Thanks, again, for your comments. :)
oh, and I've got PVC candles laying around my garage somewhere,; just need to find them. :) And that's a rose in her right hand, but you really can't make it out. LOL



http://hauntforum.com/picture.php?albumid=711&pictureid=7969

[Glockink]

Looks dope....still like the white...looks more ghostly

[morbid mike]

she need 's some of that mesh over her face like the women wore to the funeral's back in the day...she rocks as far as I'm concerned maybe that white gown dye it a medium grey color would look cool awww hell with it.. it looks great!!!

[niblique71]

Weather she's in black or white I think the presentation is better from that side of the gravestone. Given that you probably don't want to break her arms or legs to repose her...I agree that a light vail might add a bit of mystery.

Also given that she's heavilly cloaked... you could slide a board undr her behind to give her a more forward and grieving position.... Instead of breaking her neck to repose her...


All things considered, it looks better... BUT remember...You are the creator... you can now decide how you want to present her to your TOT's. Make the decision and then move on to other projects... :) You can always change your mind for the big night.

[CreeepyCathy]

okay, I went back to white; added some veil stuff & what little cheesecloth I had laying around; in the process broke her arm. grrrrr. A project for tomorrow.
The lighting isn't directed correctly, but this is the best night shot I could get. :)
oh, the reason I went back to white is because I forgot that I already had a Mourner in black in my graveyard. LOL

http://hauntforum.com/picture.php?albumid=711&pictureid=7970

[pagan]

I think it looks great! If you want a slightly darker feel I agree with the suggestion you dirty up the robes a bit and maybe gel the lighting a bit more (a warmer red/orange), maybe turn the light source a little more towards the stone face and cast her in a bit more shadow..Looks killer!

[HauntDaddy]

I think it looks great dirty the robes and maybe add a crow to the tombstone and call it quits

[haunted canuck]

everthing looks too "new" needs som distressing of fabric and possible a llitle bit more aging on the tombstone,keep the white but dont have it so out of the washer white , maybe go to the thift shoppe and find a shawl or other accessories , the mask you have chosen has a very grimacing look to it as well not a in moarning type look looks more like a evil deceptive look on its face, un less thats what your going for , with this type of mask maybe having some type of book of the dead in the other hand or a "ritualistic " item in the hand that would suggest some kind of seance??thing lighting is a key element, right color makes all the difference

[scareme]

I think she should be moved a little more to the right...and little farther...just a little more...no that's to far, back to the left a little...
Just kidding. I think she looks great just they way she is. I agree with you on the white, eaiser to see at night. You did a great job.

[CreeepyCathy]

thank you everyone for your help. :)

[Just Whisper]

I am glad you went back to the white. Looks better. But I agree that a little layering of a different color fabric would break up the solid fresh white fabric, mostly in the head/shoulder area.

This scene looks great. Very impressive.

[Evil Queen]

The grey and white look much better, there just seems to be something about the face that doesn't fit.

[Lilly]

I think it looks good the way it is but the white is a little to white.. try a night shot once where you plan on setting it ..then see how you feel,,
when you have it set outside with some lighting maybe and leaves shuffled around, maybe a dirt mound showing thru it it will look great...