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Grrr
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3,076 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Two more poems I wrote. The first as of yet untitled What do you think?

Smooth darkness entrusted;
Daylight, my tomb, cold death encrusted.
Beauty forgotten, long ago stranded;
Lost soul, Forever branded.
Damaged and gray, always the same;
Poor mortals, my name?
Sweet nothingness reigns
a silent killer remains
Dear victims of mine; did not see the signs?
Mirrored reflection,
Garlic perception,
Pale complexion.

and another poem totally unrelated to the first: Epitaph

Fools, one and all who dare to tred,
Upon the graves of those, recently dead.
This hallowed ground
Contains the drowned.
Poor little Sarah had never swam,
Nor had Sally or Sam,
But to the river they did march.
The water, the rocks, each played their parts
The murderer too, but he had a rule.
Too bad they hadn't gone to school.
Their fate in the hands of this creature
Not a teacher
Or a preacher

if you hadn't see the others I wrote and uploaded and want to read them they are
http://hauntforum.com/showthread.php?t=19321
http://hauntforum.com/showthread.php?t=21948
 

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Stays Zesty in milk
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4,472 Posts
Its not like my favorite Vogon poetry, but I rather like it. The untitled poem 'sounds' like it might be good as lyrics in a dark rock song. Just my opinion.
 

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In Remembrance
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7,646 Posts
I like the second one but have a little trouble with the tempo of the first. I am never sure just how to read them.
 

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Grrr
Joined
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3,076 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
uh thanks Zurgh, glad to know my work is almost as good as the work of Grunthos The Flatulent...

Yeah, I agree Bone Dancer, I much prefer the second. The first sounds unfinished to my ear but I'm not sure what to add.
 
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