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Subject: You may have a ******* starship Captain if...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.

He paints flames and an NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.

You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".

He refers to Klingons as "critters".

He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".

He has a sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum
foil.

He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.

He says "got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing
frequencies".

He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.

He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.

He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.

He says "Yee-HA!" instead of "Engage".

He has a hand tooled holster for his phaser.

He insists on calling his executive officer "bubba".

He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".

He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs and turnip greens.

He paints the starship John Deere Green.

He refers to a Pulsar as a "blue light special".

He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".

His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.

He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen".

His idea of dress uniform is clean bib overalls.

He wears mirrored shades on the bridge.

His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans
and weenies.
He sets his phaser to "Cajun".
 
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